Bud's

2009-01-23T22:51:00.000-08:00

go over to www.benjaminwilcox.com

Please don't make me cry tonight!

2008-12-27T14:23:00.000-08:00

I cried when the Cubs lost. That was five years ago. I cried (at least) twice that year. The other time was when Rampage lost (brutally) to Silva in Pride. They fought in a rematch in 2004. Silva (brutally) knocked my boy out again. I cried again.

I became a fan of Rampage partly because, due to Silva's dominance in Pride, he was the underdog. The American captivating his Japanese fans with his ferocious slams and feral fighting style. His willingness to rematch Silva despite the lopsided loss he suffered in their first match. Facing Wandy for a third time, some have wondered, What's the point?

Now, both fighters are competing for the UFC. Rampage thinks the rules, refs, and cage will help him in his quest for redemption. I hope so. Much has been written in speculation regarding Jackson's mental state after losing the light heavyweight title to Griffin, being arrested for reckless driving in California, and firing his manager/trainer. Is he prepared to face his nemesis again? Is his mind right? He looked physically fit at yesterday's weigh-in, but the schoolyard pushing and shoving and posturing that ensued between he and Silva does not answer any of these questions.

Unlike my Cubs, Rampage has won a title recently. Can he win the belt again? I think it's a safe bet that he will be a champion before the Cubs are. I really do not want to cry tonight. I skipped the baseball season this year; so, I was not too disappointed when the Cubs lost in the playoffs. I will be watching tonight's UFC pay-per-view live in the comfort of my own home. That way, no one has to see me cry in public.

Look! I'm streaking!

2008-12-14T19:23:00.000-08:00

I love writing poetry; however, I don't practice it enough. I tend to experience spurts with poems. When I do go on a creative streak, though, it's usually a good one. I can pump out a few of them--especially when duly inspired.

For some reason, the following poem, which I wrote two years ago or so, came to my mind recently.

Scar Tissue

I have a lot of scars.
Some big, some small--
Each tells a bit of my story;
None tells it all.
The short ones may mean
More than the long;
A narrow gash a riddle--
Maybe a wide gouge a song.
The pain endured leaves a trail on the skin:
One sings of victory;
Another whispers a sin.

I keep seeing people and wondering what all is really underneath. What pain? What baggage? What dreams? What story? There may be a lot holding it back, but there it is---just beneath the surface. Scar tissue, of sorts.

Maybe it's easier not to talk about "it," whatever it is. We are the great pretenders, aren't we? Going along to get along. Making nice so that we can get through the holidays. Smile and nod, smile and nod.

However, I think this not-so-hidden junk shows up in ways we never intend. It affects our conversations, our friendships, our health.

I don't know where I am going with this, but I do hope that we all review our scars from time to time: reminding us where we've been, what we've been through, what's it made us, and who we still want to be. And, that, most of all, we allow trusted others access to our scars. To educate, to warn, to understand, to be understood.

2008-12-12T12:48:00.000-08:00

Motivation? Having some freedom at this stage of my life has caused me to reflect on motivation--the different forms, the ups and downs that accompany self-motivation (perhaps the only kind there really is), and people's reaction to varying types of motivation.

I need to be inspired. I think many people are suffering from lack of inspiration. In my previous post, I wrote about the 'drift' that has set in regarding church services. My wife noted that what I was really missing was inspiration. Inspire me for Christ's sake!

I have to periodically expose myself to inspirational quotations, movies, pictures, and books. I realize that it's my responsibility to keep up with this (even though I love to blame other people!). I have to feed my mind the fuel to keep going.

Read this from General Patton. “Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. You’ve always got to make the mind take over and keep going.”

Rob Bell and the Art of Sneaking Out the Back Door

2008-12-02T21:05:00.001-08:00

Who knows how many church services I have endured. As a preacher's kid for most of my childhood, I am sure the number is staggering. Wednesday nights, Sunday school, Sunday nights, Sunday mornings (which always cut into the Bears game), Easter "Sunrise Services" (coupled with fake eggs and stiff pancakes), New Years Eve "Watch Nights" (I have no clue what we were watching), quarterly Potluck meals in the basement with weird food made by weirder people and their leftovers, and week-long summer Bible camps with multiple meetings every day---in other words, a butt-load of time spent in strange gatherings with strange language and strangers.

When you're the pastor's son, you cannot really declare your disinterest and leave in the middle of the sermon. I am 33 now, though, and I have developed quite the knack for early departures in my old age. Lately, it's been after what people call "Worship." I have a serious case of sick-of-three-songs-a-sermon-and-an-offering-itis. A nasty syndrome. Contagious? I hope so.

My disease started a year ago or more, which is remarkable considering I took a ten year hiatus from church attendance through most of my twenties. Where did I catch it? I am tempted to say, "The Bible," but who knows?

I know I am not the only one tired of the formulaic posturing we go through on Sundays. What is the point of it? The show must go on.

Rob Bell's latest, Jesus Wants to Save Christians (A Manifesto for the Church in Exile), gets to the root of this, I think. He writes, "When the goal of a church is to get people into church services and then teach them how to invite people to come to church services, so that they in turn will bring others to more church services - that's attendance at church services" (p. 160). It's like "Feed me, Seymour!" We have cultivated a giant plant which requires food--but does nothing other than sit there with its mouth open. It devours more and more resources while distracting us from the real world. Horror, indeed.

So, I've been leaving early or not going at all. I do hang with the teenagers because you can at least be real with them. I have no idea what to do. "Church hopping" will most likely be futile and lead to greater levels of frustration. The people (some of whom are church staff) I confess my sickness to offer little hope. I know others around my same age who share at least most of my outlook. We commiserate: "Where is the connection? Where is the outward focus? What are we doing here? What's the 'big picture?'"

Bell goes on, "If our church was taken away - from our city, our neighborhood, our region - who would protest?" (p. 166). Would I? My belief in God is still bigger than my discontent, thankfully; although I am not sure that is as comforting as it should be.

My options?
1. Suck it up
2. Quit going
3. Complain to pastor
4. Start my own "thing" (scary)
5. Go Catholic (way more scary)

Maybe I have logged enough hours in a pew/church chair to last me the rest of my life. (Knew I should have kept those receipts. Dang.)

There is one last quotation from the book I am banking on. "Jesus wants to save our church from the exile of irrelevance" (p. 174). I want that. I'd be willing to be part of that effort. Where do I sign up? I loathe people that bitch and moan without being willing to pitch in. Put me in, coach. You'll find me at the back of the church---one foot out the door but really wanting to get drawn in again.

Opposed to Failure

2008-11-25T11:15:00.001-08:00

Some encouraging stuff:

"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently." - Henry Ford

"I am never down; I am either up or getting up." - Anon.

"Failure isn't failure unless you don't learn from it." - Ronald Niednagel

Questions to ask after a failure:
What lessons have I learned?
Am I grateful for the experience?
How can I turn this into success?
Where do I go from here?
Who else has failed like this before and what can I learn from them?
How can my experience help others avoid my mistakes in the future?
Did I actually fail, or did I simply fall short of an unrealistically high standard?
Where did I succeed as well as fail?
"In the best possible environment, growth is not only allowed, but leaders model it an expect it from everyone." - John Maxwell

FEAR > INACTION > LACK OF EXPERIENCE > IGNORANCE > MORE FEAR

OR

FEAR > ACTION > EXPERIENCE > WISDOM > DECREASED FEAR & INCREASED SUCCESS!

"Success is not measured by what a man accomplishes, but by the opposition he has encountered and the courage with which he has maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds." - Lindbergh

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected." - Thoreau

They let you read standing up at the laundry mat, right?

2008-11-10T14:23:00.001-08:00

These NyQuil hangovers are a real bugger. Attempting to sweat it out at Durango Martial Arts this morning was a wash. No heat yet. After a scalding shower, I plopped down at the 8th Avenue laundry with HST's Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72. This book makes perfect sense to me--especially in light of our recent national popularity contest and, most importantly, without too much staring into the tumbling dryer. For any of this political mess to make some sort of sense, perhaps you have to do what I did recently: swear off TV news and stay out of the national papers as much as possible.
It's been more or less five years since my last bender. I miss beer a little, but mornings like these remind me of the hassle: trying to function without 2nd through 5th gear. Just first and reverse. Coffee helps. But, there's the sloshing through two inches of fresh snow to accomplish that. (It's not even Thanksgiving yet!)
However, there's still a little bit of a high you feel when still drunk on a Monday morning. A dirty little secret you're not trying that hard to keep. Cough medicine doesn't announce its presence as much as say, Coors or Jack even--but the giggles are never far away, are they?
Why is the print so small in this book, Hunter? Surely you didn't approve that? Ugh.
Why isn't this required reading for every registered voter every four years? And why aren't you still around, Dr.? I need you now more than ever. I know you would often write back--even to the hacks that called themselves "fans." I need the real dope--the goods--the lowdown on how to make it as a journalist. The New New New New Journalism. The Narrative. The Gonzo 2.0--come back!
Does my sobriety instantly disqualify me from ever arriving? I am left to sweat out the next four years without you. Sloshing through the muck here in Durango--woefully out of place. A sober square in hippy-land. Rejected query letters and months of angst. Yes, we can!?!?!! Obama=Bobby? Would I have even made it on the plane had I shucked out to D.C. for the scene? (I don't even own a dog--much less the requisite Doberman)
We may never be Iraq-free but at least I have NyQuil.

I am a 33-year-old Rookie

2008-11-05T13:24:00.000-08:00

I am halfway through reading Chris Coste's ("Coast") The 33-Year-Old Rookie (How I Finally Made It To The Big Leagues After 11 Years in the Minors). I bought the book because the title deeply resonated with me. Having turned 33 in September, I feel like a rookie regarding several areas of my life.

I have not had employment for over two years now. I had dinner with friends last night and tried to explain my odd circumstances: I have income but no job. Don't get me wrong. It's truly a blessing to be free to pursue new and different things right now (see previous post), but at the same time, it takes tremendous self discipline to stay on track and feel like I am making the most of my time and energy (I would grade myself a B- so far).

In his book, Coste describes how much time and work he put into transforming himself into a better player--giving himself every chance to make it. He describes the disappointment that accompanies being sent back to the minors time after time. Of feeling like his dream of making it to the 'bigs' was possibly slipping away. The last two years have been an adventure to say the least. We've moved several states away. I have been trying to transform myself into a writer and journalist, and many times, I feel like a fumbling rookie--unsure of what to do or to whom to go for directions.

Like Coste, I have to keep putting myself out there and taking chances. Keep sending the query letters and proposing ideas. Keep sending emails to people I do not know but whose work has inspired me. Making the big "ask." (& often feeling like a big ass)

Coste does make it to the Majors on a couple of occasions. He makes the most of his time while there because he is never sure how long his "shot" will last. I must do the same. Being a rookie can suck: carrying the veterans' bags, doing the dirty work, acting as if you know what you are doing, subjecting yourself to the criticism that inevitably comes from attempting new things, etc. But, how else can I expect to improve? I believe that suffering through this rookie season will all be worth it someday. I just hope it doesn't take 11 years!

Dreams

2008-11-02T19:31:00.000-08:00

Are you ever too old to pursue a dream? Does there come a time in life that one should simply settle down to reality?
Is hard work enough to accomplish anything, or is some inherent talent required?
Are there things about yourself that you may never know until you undertake a big enough challenge?

It seems like I have taken on a few challenges this year, and I am looking forward to my journey in the next twelve months or so. I am also somewhat frightened about what or who I'll become during all this. More than anything else, I feel excitement about the adventures in store.

ugh

2008-10-11T14:16:00.000-07:00

Woulda, coulda, shoulda . . . but, there's always next time. I went 0 for 2 on the day. I learned a lot though, and I will try again in December.

Losing sucks.

Time on my hands

2008-10-02T10:49:00.000-07:00

So, because I am already spending so much time working out and training in mixed martial arts, I might as well write about my experiences, right?

Expect me to post some sample writing here that will (hopefully) become part of a book. The focus of which will be what it's like for a wuss to try to transform himself into a somewhat competent MMA competitor. How hard is the training? What's it like to get choked out, punched in the head (a lot), and to try to resist the urge for 'flight' by staying in 'fight' mode?

I have already received training from some pretty cool, well known professionals, and I will include that. I plan to travel more next year and I hope to fight two to three times during 2009.

If you have ever read any of George Plimpton's participatory sports books--that's the feel I am going for. His best is probably Paper Lion which covers his experience as a "last string quarterback" for the Detroit Lions. (I will try to channel a little Hunter S. Thompson as well)

If all of this seems pretty crazy to you, now you know how I feel. Pray for me, will ya?

PWR 2008 Toronto

2008-10-02T10:34:00.000-07:00

Go to http://www.paradisewarriorretreat.com/page_pevents_Toronto2008.html to see pictures from the event. (Look for the big, bearded guy standing in back for all the group shots)

Paradise Warrior Retreat Toronto 2008

2008-09-28T13:27:00.000-07:00

This event was crazy fun. I had the opportunity to receive training from some legends of combat sports: kickboxing with Rob Kaman, MMA from Bas Rutten, and BJJ from Demian Maia & Matt Serra. My head is still spinning from everything I tried to learn (and from the crazy time we had out on the town last night!), but I will post more soon . . .

Couture Camp pt 2

2008-09-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

As I made the eight-hour drive to Vegas, I thought through all the scenarios that could occur this weekend at the Xtreme Couture MMA Camp. Randy could recognize all of my fighting potential and invite me to live and train with him. Randy could simply be overwhelmed by my personality so much so that he invites me to hang out all weekend with him at his home (or tag along as he makes appearances, signs his new book, or goes out meeting people and choking them unconscious for photos). Finally, if nothing else, I figure he will want to spar with me. This is where I knock him out, feel awful, and offer not to tell anyone about it on the condition that all the above scenarios come true. Regardless of these daydreams, I am feeling pretty nervous about the weekend and wondering whether this is all too soon. I mean: I am only five months into my training. But, who knows? Maybe this weekend will be like those Fantasy Baseball Camps where everyone is super old and only a few more bratwursts away from a heart attack. I could end up being the most in-shape and skilled person at this thing! Yeah, that’s it!

In actuality, the first night of camp turned out to be none of the above. Although, there were some older guys living out the “fantasy” thing, most of the participants were in the twenty or thirty age bracket and in reasonably good shape. We worked numerous wrestling drills: single leg takedowns, double leg takedowns, and a final technique from the clinch. The best part of the night was getting to slam someone against the cage fence. The resultant springboard effect helped propel my opponent into an easier takedown (and made it seem like I knew what I was doing).

Randy was assisted by Jay Hieron who recently signed with Affliction after spending the last couple years with the now-defunct IFL. Randy was just as humble and soft-spoken as he appeared to be on TV. In fact, with the constant airliner traffic passing over the gym, it was often very difficult to hear him at all. He is a gracious host, though, and spent almost an hour after practice answering any and all questions. Tomorrow is more Randy in the morning and then jiu-jitsu black belt Robert Drysadle in the afternoon.

So, what was making me look good on Friday night: repeatedly hoisting a 300 pound guy up in the air for take downs, now makes me irritated on Saturday. My partner is short, thick, and out of shape. Furthermore, he’s as flexible as a fire hydrant. So, when we drill jiu-jitsu and wrestling on the mat, it’s ugly. He can’t secure a triangle choke. He’s very awkward in his movements. He’s huffing and puffing instantly. It sucks. However, I was in the same boat a few months ago. I simply wish I had chosen someone else to team with. The good part of the day was that Randy signed autographs and posed for pictures all through lunch. He had another engagement and left afterwards. Randy was a very patient coach, and I feel extremely fortunate to have been a part of this training seminar. A highlight of my life will be getting picked up and slammed a few times by Randy Couture.

Jay and Robert led the final day. We practiced jiu-jitsu, and our final session was grappling with the ultra-small, fingerless, MMA gloves. The experience was quite different for me. The gloves got in the way of my submission attempts, but also helped in defending my opponent’s attempts.

I drove home excited to be able to share new techniques with my school, Durango Martial Arts, and I began to think about how to implement better visualization methods in my daily life.

2008-08-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

I am having a blast here in Las Vegas at Randy Couture's MMA Training Camp in his gym. He spent last night and this morning with us. He's such a humble guy. For all he's accomplished and has going on right now, he patiently reviewed each technique with everyone here. Also, most impressively, he spent an hour after class (late last night) answering any and all questions from the campers. I was not sure what to expect from this weekend, but I am very glad I came. I am learning a lot about MMA and even more about all the other aspects of fighting: visualization, nutrition, etc. Thanks, Randy!

2008-08-20T22:47:00.001-07:00

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Lisa and nephews rock climbing in Estes

2008-07-15T11:15:00.000-07:00

Kick my butt, PLEASE!

2008-07-02T11:07:00.000-07:00

Top 5 People that I would love to take a beating from:

1. Chuck Norris

2. Debi Purcell

3. The Ultimate Warrior (circa 1990)

4. Gina Carano

5. Joe Rogan

Tweeners etc.

2008-06-27T08:16:00.000-07:00

Part of the solution for Churches to engage Tweeners and young adults is to understand their family situations and how it affects our teaching and outreach paradigms. Over one million kids experience their parents' divorce each year. In addition, the fatherless statistics in the U.S. are staggering. Because of how many grow up without a dad---pastors and youth workers need to understand that this emerging generation is not only unfamiliar with traditional Bible stories, but also that, when hearing Jesus' parables and other teaching, younger people will often interpret them differently than older adults. Author Elizabeth Marquardt found that young adults with divorced parents, when hearing the Parable of The Prodigal Son, for example, identified much more closely with the Father character than with the Son who left. For these teens and twenty-somethings, the anxiousness and stress from waiting for someone to come back home resonated much more deeply. Teachers at all levels within the Church need to exhibit a constant and sensitive awareness towards their audience along these lines.

Besides embracing a new sensitivity and awareness when teaching from the Bible, the next step for engaging this emerging generation is to conduct outreach opportunities that create safe places for young people to process their feelings and explore their faith--without fear of judgment. We must listen, notice, and inquire while resisting the urge to condemn. Their questions must be safe with us. It is ours to be brave enough to ask tough, open-ended questions. We can validate their reality without necessarily approving of it. This a key component of compassion. People feel welcome when they feel heard and valued. By deliberately offering these opportunities, Churches will reclaim their role as places of refuge where everyone, in authentic community, can confess and confront in a truly healthy environment.

At the same time, those of us within the Church need to confess and confront our outdated paradigms because so many young adults and teens are missing out on the connections that we use to take for granted. It is our responsibility and privilege to offer hope in new ways not only from the pages of the Bible but also in the way we conduct our meetings and ministries. We have to realize that this generation resonates with Bible stories and characters differently than previously assumed, and we have to alter our presentation accordingly. We must go out of our way to offer emotional 'safe zones' for people to connect with one another--and, in part, re-create the family that is painfully missing. These are our brothers and sisters in Christ, and, for the older adults among us: these are your Spiritual children, too. We cannot abandon them nor abdicate our responsibility in caring for them. They have already faced too much of that at home and in school. Our churches must become places of real connection. Our teaching must connect with its young audience through an ever-evolving awareness and sensitivity to the issues our young people are facing. We cannot afford to take comprehension or connection for granted anymore.

Fighting Like A Girl

2008-06-27T08:10:00.000-07:00

With all the attention female mixed martial arts has recently garnered from the prime time television debut of Gina Carano, I had the privilege of interviewing promising young talent Angela Magana. She gave me her thoughts on the current state of women’s MMA and her plans for the future.

Angela, who fights at 115 pounds with a professional MMA record of 5-1-1, turns 25 later this year, and has a bright outlook in the sport despite her troubled past. She escaped East L.A. and her heroin-addicted parents’ home by moving to Northern New Mexico to live with her grandparents. Once there, she became an accomplished Golden Gloves amateur boxer amassing over 40 fights. In Junior High and High School, Angela was the only female wrestler on the team and overcame all the prejudice that came with it. However, her drive to be the best propelled her beyond the stereotypes. Angela enjoyed destroying the bias she faced almost as much as destroying her all-male opponents. “Guys quit after I beat them.”

On May 31st, Magana refused to quit in the biggest fight of her career. In Claremore, Oklahoma, before a hostile, standing-room-only crowd, she won her co-main event match for the Freestyle Cage Fighting Women’s Championship by defeating hometown favorite, and so-called ‘first professional female MMA fighter from Oklahoma,’ Nicdali “The Nite Queen” Calanoc.

Angela rotates her training among Greg Jackson’s MMA in Albuquerque, Floyd Sword’s Team Four Corners in Farmington, NM, and Durango Martial Arts with pro fighter Chris Jones in Durango, CO. Angela has a five year old daughter, and balancing her fight preparation and personal life offers its own unique challenge. “The guys in the gym don’t realize [my responsibilities]. [My child] has to be in bed my 8p.m., and some nights we don’t even start to train jiu-jitsu until after 8p.m. The guys can leave their kids at home with the wife. Not me! I’m a single mom.” Sometimes, she simply brings her daughter to the gym, and when I asked her whether she would encourage her child to pursue MMA, Angela responded, “She does train a little bit of jiu-jitsu. She doesn’t like to tap out. I think we both have a really high tolerance for pain.”

What does Angela think about the state of female MMA? She is excited about the possibilities and, when I asked what her reaction would be to a promotion’s attempts to turn her into a sex symbol, she added, “If they want to put make-up on me and dress me up cute . . . and use that . . . I mean, what do people love? Sex and violence. I’ll use it. It opens doors. Like Gina [Carano] and American Gladiators. I’ll use it to open doors.”

Angela Magana hopes that the doors to her future in MMA will open even wider in the near future. “Someone from Cage Rage (in England) called and Herb Dean was talking about wanting me [to fight in] Guatemala.” She expects Elite XC to contact her soon, and Angela gets several phone calls per month from other promotions. She is enjoying her success so far. “Now, I don’t have to plan my life around my fights; I can plan my fights around my life.”

When I asked Angela about her ‘wish list’ of future opponents, all she did was call out the toughest fighters at her weight class: Lisa Ward, Megumi "Mega Megu" Fujii, and Yuka Tsuji. She has one other opponent she would love to fight: Jessica Aguilar—whom she has faced twice. Each fight ended controversially, and Angela wants another shot, “I would fight her for no money.”

Angela Magana has unquestionable toughness. She takes great pride in refusing to quit. After breaking her back last September, she proved her mettle to everyone by taking three fights in the six months since having her body cast removed. Angela realizes that the sport has evolved and constantly seeks to improve her skills. She said, “There are a lot of girls who think they are ‘tough,’ but they are not very technical. They are good at a lot of things but not great at anything. That doesn’t work [anymore]. You have to be great at more than one thing.” Finally, I asked her to rate her chances for success in MMA. Magana replied, “I’m going to do good [because] winning isn’t always about winning. It’s about never giving up. I don’t give up. I live my dreams.”

Pictures of Insanity!

2008-04-26T10:04:00.001-07:00

THANKS REBA!!!!!

2008-04-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

DOING VS. BEING

2008-04-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

QUICKLY, HERE IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT I HAVE DONE AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO MY DEVELOPMENT AS A PERSON . . .AT LEAST, I HOPE.

DOING
1. Participated in first Strongman event
2. Started learning jiu-jitsu and grappling
3. Two day drive back to Colorado with no music or other in-car noise
4. Saying goodbye to loved people
5. Moved into drastically smaller living space

BEING
1. Pushed myself to several “personal bests” and gained confidence in my ability to do things I never thought of doing until recently
2. Learning to ‘not freak out’ when someone is smothering me. [life long fear/phobia]
3. Continued to develop ear for God’s voice and enjoyed the scenery: Mt. Rushmore, Custer Park, Black Hills, and the antelope of Wyoming. Also, re-entering relaxed pace of life west of the Mississippi River
4. Trusting relational strength; faith in God’s desire for me to have good gifts; ability to receive; bigger picture perspective; carrying the hope that I will develop new relationships in Durango
5. Opportunity to get rid of superfluous stuff; ongoing journey of simplicity

Sweat

2008-04-07T21:39:00.000-07:00

It seems like all I have done lately is sweat. I have never been an athlete or athletic for that matter. Every sport is an extreme one for me. I've tried golf, but I need a lot of lessons in order to truly play correctly, and I am not that interested or motivated for that right now.
So, I have been doing this crazy strength training since last September. In two weeks, I'll be in an athletic competition for the first time. It's not a huge event, but a new experience nonetheless.
Last month I began to learn jiu jitsu. This past week I have been training with the guys at Team No Ego in Oswego, IL. They prepare pro fighters--in addition to offering training for other crazy men wanting to get thrown around and sweat their asses off.
I sweat--a lot. It seems like I am sweating all the time. It's strange to see your body slowly transform and to gauge how much "back up" you have when pressed against a wall by someone trying to hit you or take you down. I am a true beginner/novice. Everyone kicks my ass right now: little guys, big guys, old guys, and high school wrestlers. But, my cardio is getting better. My aggressiveness is building. I sweat and sweat and sweat as I try to learn a new language, fit into a new culture & survive until the round buzzer goes off. If I could just catch my breath, maybe I could stop freaking out when someone is on top of me trying to make me submit. Sometimes the sweat make it hard for them to hold onto me.
The sweat can help you escape. Sweat is a sign of struggle, of work, and of persistence. I am escaping inactivity and getting used to walking around dripping wet.
Sweat takes you to places you would otherwise not have reached without it. I have not been in shape like this since my early twenties.
Can't wait to start sweating tomorrow. We'll see where it gets me.

Overview for Book Proposal

2008-03-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

Each year more than one million children experience their parents’ divorce. Why is the timing for this book perfect right now? Just like Rick Warren’s national best-selling Purpose Driven Life answered adults’ questions about the meaning of life, It’s Not Fair will infuse teenagers with a sense of purpose despite desperate circumstances. Counselors and therapists who work with teens asked them, “What do you see as the major stresses/problems facing today's teenagers?” 72% of the respondents listed, ‘Problems arising from parental divorce.’ In addition to the normal challenge of adolescence, divorce activates a vast array of difficulties that, without the proper guidance, can lead to damaging results—both now and later in life. “Children of divorced parents are . . . twice as likely as others to have poor relationships with their parents, drop out of high school and receive psychological help.” The book will show teens where to go for help, how to regain control over their lives, what the facts are concerning the tough issues they face and how to deal with them successfully.
Furthermore, teenagers with divorced parents are more likely to feel that no one really understands them. The authors—Linda Jacobs, a divorced, single mom who now runs a national divorce care program for kids and Ben Wilcox, an adult child of divorce with years of experience working with teenagers from divorce situations—will connect with readers on every level by including real stories from teens who went through their parents’ divorce and adult children of divorce who prove that success in life is possible. Through fresh encounters with key Bible characters, relevant applications, and Scriptural references for life skills, the teenaged child of divorce will be doing something that will give new verve to their spirit, mind, body, and soul. In the United States alone, there are approximately 20 million teenagers living with just one parent. By reading It’s Not Fair, they have the chance to discover the power found in only Jesus and the critical opportunity to not only survive their parents’ divorce but also thrive in the midst of it.

2008-03-05T12:49:00.000-08:00

Sell, sell, sell

Non-fiction writing means that you sell a proposal THEN write the majority of your book. Didn't know that. It's hard to be salesy about yourself and your ideas, too, but I think, out of necessity, I am getting over that.

I have learned so much over the past few weeks about the book writing process.

Agents have responded, and I am crapping my pants a little.

Sell, sell, sell

God is good, and I am loved. Let's hope people love our book!

Hey Pard!

2008-02-13T15:21:00.000-08:00

P.C.R.

Along side the big San Juans,
Up passed Lemon Lake, rests a sanctuary of land.
One winding road is the path you must take.

It’s heavily guarded by aspen, fir, and pine;
Yet you’re surely welcome,
Any ol’ time is fine.

You might spot grouse, elk, or a deer.
Watch for hummingbirds
As they’re wont to zip past your ear.

Take in the vast sights & breathe deeply of the air.
Forget your troubles & worries for a spell;
Have a seat, pull up a chair.

This spread will feel like home
Shortly after you arrive
Relax and eat—no stress—no strain—no strive.

I thank the Lord for this piece of paradise
It’s cool outdoors,
But inside your spirits surely rise.

For the owners are good folk:
Generous and kind.
Help yourself! They don’t seem to mind.

If you’re worn and weary—
If it’s shelter that you seek—
If you can stay a weekend, day or a week-
Look ‘er up near Durango—
This ranch is Phantom Creek.

The Humble Horseman

An arrogant man always will fall--
No matter his strength or experience at all.

There is a truth to be found if you know where to look:
For some it comes by parents or friends or a book.

To each man, his own path is marked
With success, failure, and dreams never sparked.

But the heart-hope rises again and again
That a man’s life-work will not be in vain.

Remember, there’s a Creator that’s given you sight.
All this beauty is a gift, not a right--

What will you do with the days that remain?
Will you toil ever onward tho’ the sun seems to fade?

There’s time left still to fight on ‘til the end
Win or lose, some break and some bend.

A prize awaits those that really believed
That all is not earned: that true life must be received.

The proud cowboy thinks he knows it all--
But there’s truth you can find if you’re willing to fall.

The humble horseman has gained what can never be lost
It won’t fade or dull or be taken by frost.

The gift of life eternal is found just above
The last mountain ridge of life; it’s God’s precious love.

I hope that you feel it when life has you down
Our Creator & Redeemer, the best guide in town.

Here’s a secret that I’ve learned in my brief travels through:
If you draw close to God, He’ll draw close to you.
(James 4:8)

Killer Curiosity

2008-02-10T10:51:00.000-08:00

“Someday, your curiosity will be the death of you, Alan.”
How many times had he heard this before? No matter that he did, someone was always trying to rein him in. Well, no more. Alan was going to do it his way.
Growing up, Alan Bryce Woodson never thought his least favorite activity would get him anywhere—certainly not wealthy beyond belief. Sure, one little short story when he was twelve was cute enough, but he had had to do that: it was part of his final grade in English class. Now, twenty-one years and millions of dollars later, Alan was set to finally be out from under it all: the deadlines, the impossible editors, and the ‘book signing smiles’ he wore for so long it made his face hurt. No one could have imagined what he had been planning since his first novel made the New York Times bestseller list. In some ways, they were right about his curiosity: it was going to get him killed but not in some random, luckless fashion. No, Alan was going to take back control of his life the only way he knew how: by ending it.
At just twelve years of age, his first story was published, awarded first prize in every contest imaginable, and the rights sold to a major motion picture studio. From the outside, things seemed perfect. The young man enjoyed the trappings of his early success, but, quickly, things turned sour for him. Adolescent Alan craved privacy, and if there was one thing overnight celebrity did not afford you—it was time alone. His parents, thinking they were providing Alan a “well-rounded life,” began acting as his management team. They sent him to writer’s camps in the summer and, in the fall, a super-exclusive creative arts school for the gifted. He did the best he could to keep up appearances: smile and nod, smile and nod, etc. From these summer camps, Alan gained something that came to play a major role in a most personal story he was secretly crafting: a love of the woods.
His love for everything outdoors was further cultivated by his grandparent’s retirement house. This was neither the nursing nor the assisted living variety of your average old folk’s home. No, the Ray and Pat Connington place was one of a kind. Located in the mountains of Colorado, their log, ranch style retreat was accessible only by one-lane gravel path. Just up the road from an enormous reservoir lake, it was remote but replete with tantalizing opportunities for adventure around every bend. Phantom Creek Ranch, as Ray had named it, held Alan spellbound from the first moment he saw it.
Shortly after his fourteenth birthday, Alan convinced his parents to allow him to fly unaccompanied to spend part of his summers there. Of course, even this many miles away from his Pennsylvania home, the arrangement was not without strings attached. Alan’s mother and father, ever so concerned with his “gift” and development as a writer, made him promise to write at least three short stories by the end of every stay at Phantom Creek. As was his wont, young Alan never missed a deadline. In fact he could have turned them in early—he wrote every single story months before he stepped on the plane. Maybe his resentment towards his parents caused Alan to resort to deception. Whether this was the first time Alan engaged in trickery or not, he could not remember. Regardless, it was certainly not the last time that he responded to imposed obligation with deceit. No, like everything else he felt forced to do, Alan simply mastered it.
Alan would master many things during his summers in the woods. Far removed from the hubbub of city life—fishing, hunting, camping, and rock climbing all became second nature to him. Grandpa Ray taught the inquisitive teen all he knew about surviving in the mountains, and he showed Alan hard-to-reach places located high on the ridges of the surrounding peaks. As the years went by, Alan began to explore this mountainous playground on his own. Asked years later what Alan might have been doing up there by himself for hours on end, both Granddad and Grandma Connington replied, “My! We have no idea! He was such a quiet boy—kind of mysterious really. Alan was always coming up with these outlandish tales he would recite for us at the dinner table. What a tragedy; he’ll be missed dearly.”
“So what exactly are you telling us, De-TECT-ive?” demanded Mr. Woodson.
There they were, the three of them, at the edge of the cliff overlooking the Animas River. Barely visible above two feet of snow on the ground was the top of a climber’s spike. From it dangled the frayed end of a rope.
“I am trying to explain to you folks that all we found back at the campsite was a bedroll, some food, water, and a writer’s journal. That’s it. Now, I am sorry for your loss, but it appears that he is just . . . gone.” Detective First Grade Tom Schneider, Colorado State Police (Missing Persons Unit), was trying his best to present the facts—what little there were. “Look, I am truly sorry for your loss, but we have done all we can here. We just wrapped up the biggest manhunt in this state since D.B. Cooper. We dedicated more men, machines, and money to this thing than ever before. We know your son was famous and . . .”
“Famous has nothing to do with it!” Mr. Woodson spat back. “We need our son, and YOU couldn’t find him! Now what are we supposed to do, Detective?”
“Sir, Ma’am, believe me. If anything turns up, we will re-open this investigation and be all over every clue. But, for now, why don’t you go home? We’ve all been out here—in the mountains—in the bitter cold and snow, for weeks now. He just isn’t here. I am sorry to say, but he is gone. Mr. and Mrs. Woodson, as far as the Colorado State Police is concerned, Alan Bryce Woodson is dead.”
After several months, life went back to normal—as much as it could for the Woodsons and Alan’s grandparents: the Conningtons. Ray and Pat sat on their back patio enjoying another extraordinary afternoon at Phantom Creek. The sun soaking the mountains, the wind dancing through the chimes, hummingbirds dive-bombing the feeders hung lazily from the edge of the roof, and Cody, their barn cat, chasing one of a hundred little chipmunks that often darted through the grass in the eleven acres of land on which the house sat.
“Cody, be careful!” Grandma Connington chided the cat as it nearly fell off the top of the fence from where it was preparing to launch itself. “Sometimes I think that cat has a death-wish the way she’s always looking for trouble,” Grandma said to no one in particular.
“I know what you mean, Pat; reminds me of a young man I once knew: always into some new and dangerous adventure. Like they say, ‘Curiosity killed the cat,’” Granddad added. This last comment silenced both of them.
“Yeah, but, you know what I say, Granddad?” Alan interjected. Of course, no one knew him by that name now. He was Robert Noble: eccentric hunting guide and mountain recluse, an identity he had written into existence, complete with bank accounts (financial records show the deposits made every summer for the past ten years) and multiple forms of identification. “Sometimes curiosity does kill the cat, but that doesn’t mean it has to die.” The three laughed and returned their collective gaze to the splendor of the mountains surrounding them. These mountains not only buried the past but also held the promise of a new beginning. They were all curious what the future would hold.

my new hang-out

2008-01-22T10:33:00.000-08:00

1. New hunting rifle won in a raffle: check.

2. Actually using a 4 wheel drive vehicle for its intended purpose: check.

3. Gasping for air at a ridiculous altitude: check.

4. Cool new coffee/wifi spot: check.

Durango Joe's coffee (the one by Wal-Mart).

5. Overwhelmed by my surroundings: check.

6. Amazed by my Creator: check.

2008-01-15T20:05:00.000-08:00

I am moving----again.
I have moved a lot in my life. My time in the Navy taught me to carry only the essentials because there was not room for more.
If you look in my Ford Explorer, you'll see the residual effects of that training. Apart from my library and motorcycle, which are in storage, all of my 'must haves' are inside the vehicle. I have the "Florida Retiree Clothes Bar" from which my clothes are hanging. I have my box of DVDs, another box of vitamins and supplements, and a few other bags of this and that. My computer and some other file folders are riding shotgun.

I do not need much. I have purposely tried to whittle down my possessions over the last few years. I have donated and thrown away.

I feel lighter and lighter the closer I get to the mountains. The mountains--where I hope "to lose the madness" (Col. Ludlow, Legends of the Fall).

The drive out to Durango started to get emotional today as I approached Albuquerque (where I am writing this now). The mountains began to rise, the sun slowly sank, and my iPod played a country song.

"Carrying Your Love With Me" by George Strait

Cause I'm carrying your love with me
West Virginia down to Tennessee
I'll be movin' with the good Lord's speed
Carrying your love with me
It's my strength for holding on
Every minute that I have to be gone
I'll have everything I'll ever need
I'm carrying your love with me

On a lonely highway stuck out in the rain
Darlin' all I have to do, is speak your name
The clouds roll back and the waters part
The sun starts shinin' in my heart for you
You're right there in everything I do...

Carrying your love with me
It's my strength for holding on
Every minute that I have to be gone
I'll have everything I'll ever need
I'm carrying your love with me

It's my strength for holding on
Every minute that I have to be gone
I'll have everything I'll ever need
I'm carrying your love with me"

LORD, you are everything I'll ever need.
When I speak your name, the madness leaves.

2008-01-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

Asking Better Questions

Ministering to teenaged children of divorce, Part I

By Benjamin Wilcox

"Whatever.”

“Nothing.”

“Fine.”

These are the dreaded one-word responses I had been getting from the students in Oasis:
our church’s divorce recovery group for teenagers. It is my own fault really. Ask
anything that can be answered with one word, and the average teen will give you one
word in response.
I have heard similar frustration echoed from so many volunteer leaders wondering how to
engage Middle School and High School kids in meaningful conversation. Part of the
answer is in the question itself. Ask something that cannot be answered in just one word.
Questions like,
“If you could be any superhero, who would you be and why?”
“What was the best part of your week, and what was the worst part of your week?”
“If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be and who would you want there
with you?”

Secondly, when talking with teens, suspend your judgments as long as possible. Nothing
will ruin your chances of connecting with a young adult faster than rushing to a
conclusion about what they are saying and then offering advice right away. Keep quiet.
Actively listen. Ask for clarification, and then maybe ask a follow-up question. When you
start to think you know what they are getting at, ask another question!

Third, here is a sample of the common questions we tend to ask when thinking about
ministering to teens followed by a list of alternative things to consider.

“How do we keep these kids entertained?” vs. “What am I willing to do to ensure that the teens who come feel truly understood and valued as individuals?”
“How do we make sure we make it through all the curriculum each night?” vs. “Does the curriculum we use encourage the
kind of risky, open-ended questions that lead to honest revelation, or is there only one right answer to what we ask (just like a
classroom)?”
“How do we make sure our teens keep coming back and invite their friends, too?” vs. “Is the environment in which we hold our
meetings inviting, welcoming, and emotionally & physically safe?"
“How do I make these teenagers like me?” vs. “Will I trust the Holy Spirit enough to be myself and let these student know that I
take them seriously, withhold my judgments, and appreciate their reality?”

When you begin to focus on asking better questions, first of yourself, then of your
ministry approach, and finally, of your students—all the natural worries in the left-hand
column take care of themselves. Why? Because you have put you energy into creating a
safe place for hurting teenagers to let their guard down. You will become, quite possibly,
the only adult in their life who is willing to sit down with them, actively listen to them,
and “be” with them for as long as it takes for them to know that you care enough to ask
better questions—questions that convey your compassion not your condemnation & your
openness not your opinion. Another question is always better than another piece of
advice.
The only one-word answer you want from a teenager is when you ask them what part of
the week they most look forward to. I hope they say it’s the couple of hours when you
invite students recovering from divorce into a safe place they can call their own. If not,
maybe it is time to ask better questions.

© 2007 by the Author
Email him at Ben@MinistryMakeovers.com

2008-01-13T06:28:00.000-08:00

Do You Have a Big Enough Y ?

Ministering to teenaged children of divorce, Part II

By Benjamin Wilcox

“Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.”
~ Virginia Satir, The New Peoplemaking, 1988

I was not so sure when I began volunteering with teenaged children of divorce a few years ago. My parents’ divorce had certainly affected me severely, but because I was already in high school by the time dad moved out, I did not have to suffer nearly as much as my younger sisters. The disadvantage of leaving home immediately after high school was that, by running from everything, I dealt with nothing. I hid. Finally, by age 29, I had made some progress in allowing myself to grieve, to be angry, and to look for ways to move on. One of the ways I decided to heal was by helping other children experiencing their parents’ marital breakdown. I wound up as a volunteer in the teenager’s workshop on Monday nights—listening to stories, scrambling for a clue as to what to do, and trying not to look too foolish as I made myself available to the Holy Spirit. To borrow from the quotation above, I was an adult trying to learn how to make it among the adolescents surrounding me.
As I read books, articles, and anything else on the subject of children of divorce, God began to develop my Y. I began to discover that the driving force behind a life mission is not so much “how” to go about it—but “why?” In other words, by allowing my heart to be broken over divorce’s effects on kids (i.e. the death of families), I became willing to do whatever it takes to minister to them. A word of caution: When you begin to educate yourself on an issue of injustice that tugs at your heart, and you begin to question, “Why? Why is this happening, and why isn’t something being done by more people, or by the/my Church?”—Watch out! You just may become God’s “How!” A wise friend of mine once said, “People are God’s methods.” In other words, Christ in us means hope for others (Colossians 1:27; II Corinthians 1:3-4).
I love that more and more youth, children’s, and other pastors are becoming open to the idea of offering children’s divorce recovery programs in their churches and communities. I love to provide assistance to church leaders seeking the “How” of divorce-specific ministries to teens. It can be very tempting to see a ministry opportunity, buy a curriculum, and to anxiously proceed with a new, exciting, and much-needed program to help hurting kids. That is all wonderful. But, it’s not enough. Remember, if “people are God’s methods,” we must place volunteer leaders who have an enormous Y directly in the center of things. Age, ethnicity, gender, or experience level matter little to teens. They need caring adults who carry giant-sized Y’s. As Greg Stier writes, “Somebody once told me that the only three questions that teens want to know from an adult, the three things that qualify them to work with teenagers, are, ‘Do you love Jesus? Do you love me? Are you for real?’”
When his disciples were freaking out that a storm was threatening their boat, Jesus awoke from his nap and calmed the heavy seas and winds (Mark 8: 23-27). Jesus never bothered to explain how he was able to quiet the raging water and howling wind. He did not need to. Jesus had a giant Y. He was, and is, the Son of God.
We need not fear that we lack the qualifications to lead teens in divorce recovery group ministries. (We, after all, have Jesus in our boat.) However, we had better be certain of our Y because when the difficulties of ministering to teens hit us like waves, we will not have time to focus on how to get through to them. Our Y must be bigger than anything that might try to discourage us from persevering. Just like the disciples had to remember that God’s only Son was with them, so too must we rely on Christ’s power, grace, and peace in order to impart hope and healing to teenagers caught in the middle of the storminess of their parents’ divorce.
How do you develop a big enough Y? Here are a few things to consider:
• Ask God to soften your heart regarding the issues that affect teenaged children of divorce.
• Consume as much research and reading on the subject as possible.
• Talk to teens that you know from divorce situations. Ask them questions. Listen, listen, and listen.
• Read Scriptures that deal with the topic of abandonment, widows, and orphans.
• Look for ways to volunteer in your community or church that provide groups for children of divorce. Go in with an open mind and open ears.
• If you are really daring, ask God to break your heart for these teens. He will.
If you cannot find a teen divorce group in your area, I pray that you will ask “Why not?” Perhaps you will begin a recovery ministry for teens through your church, and maybe you become how countless teenagers find hope in the midst of their stormy life. I pray God gives you a big enough Y.

© 2007 by the Author.
E-mail him at Ben@MinistryMakeovers.com

2008-01-10T14:41:00.001-08:00

NEW FILM ON SPIRITUAL LIVES OF CHILDREN OF DIVORCE

With producer Brian Boyer (who produced the Cokie Roberts-narrated PBS documentary “Marriage: Just a piece of a paper?) and support from the Lilly Endowment, we’ve made a 30 minute documentary on the spiritual lives of children of divorce. The film, narrated by me and featuring interviews with seven grown children of divorce of varying faith traditions, is based on findings from our national study reported in my book, Between Two Worlds. The film was made as a tool for clergy and lay leaders to use in congregations to help raise awareness about the impact of divorce on children.

2008-01-06T18:05:00.000-08:00

2008-01-05T09:36:00.000-08:00

UFC 79

2007-12-31T07:24:00.001-08:00

Being a Rampage fan, I never thought I would be for Silva, but I am sort of tired of Chuck's act.
Oh, well.

2007-12-18T07:47:00.000-08:00

This is my now-favorite place. It's in Glacier Nat'l Park. Lisa and I made the hike to this lake early one morning. We were the only ones there for about a half-hour. Once people started to arrive, we decided to move on.

On our walk back, many people were on their way to see this beautiful spot, and they had some bizarre questions. "Are we almost there?" "Is there a gift shop?" "Where's my car?"

I wanted to say, "Trust me: it's worth it. Keep going. Yes, I moved you car when you weren't looking, whack-job!" Mostly I just smiled and nodded (a good move for you married guys, by the way).

People are strange. I'm no exception.

Movements

2007-11-06T09:09:00.000-08:00

Lisa and I will be moving to Durango, Colorado in the next few months. We have been thinking about this for awhile and believe it's time for a new adventure.

She is doing very well in all of her real estate training and cannot wait to become the Queen of Durango.

I am still plugging along: school work, writing, and volunteering. I am training for Chicago's Strongest Man--which will be held on April 19, 2008 (details to follow). Training is very hard and very fun. There is a great group of guys at the gym.
(www.jakkedhardcore.com)

Next week, it's off to Michigan's U.P. for a few days' retreat. I might try to shoot a deer, but I am most excited about
deep-fried turkey . . . mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. If you have the means, I highly recommend you pick one up. It's so choice. (What movie?)

1/2 way there

2007-09-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

I had two goals that I worked on today: lift the 250lb Atlas stone and work on benching the 120lb dumbbells for six reps.

I'm halfway to both: I got the stone halfway up and did the 120's three times. I've been training heavily for only about a month and have seen a lot of results. Pretty cool.

Here's a picture (of someone else) showing where I got the stone up to this morning:

Training for God knows what . . .

2007-09-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

Wednesdays and Saturdays: www.jakkedhardcore.com for training.

Tonight, we did, among other things, a combo of tire flipping (at which I suck) and farmer's walking (at which I suck a little less). Our tire is 400# and the farmers were at roughly 110#

YMCA Fitness Expo 9/22/07

2007-09-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

Oh, GOD---I am SO(ul) Tired

2007-08-17T14:51:00.000-07:00

When depression breaks like a fever,
Rest settles into your bones.

Sleep comes like never before,
Only candle light is shone.

Hours pass by like the wind,
Unseen & unhurried, carefree.

Night comes and goes like the tide,
In the morning, emerging: the real me.

Answer: 17 hours, a few tears, a lot of sleep, and a refreshed soul!

Question: What does a tiny cabin and some confession get you?

Our Final Day inside Glacier Nat'l Park

2007-07-22T05:22:00.000-07:00

2007-07-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

2007-07-21T19:08:00.000-07:00

2007-07-20T17:41:00.000-07:00

Old Faithful

2007-07-20T15:29:00.000-07:00

Buff about 10 ft from us . . . etc.

2007-07-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

The Latest . . .

2007-07-20T15:08:00.000-07:00

We've been to Durango earlier in the month. Left on the Ninth and have been many places since: Grand Teton, Yellowstone, and Glacier National Parks. We just pulled in to Southern Utah, and we will be in Moab tomorrow. We switch vehicles, from the RV to our car, and then we will be enroute to home starting Monday. Hopefully, we can take the Northern roads so that we can see Mt. Rushmore, etc . . .

More pictures to follow soon.

I cannot believe they just let us do that!

2007-07-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

We did an introductory shooting range and scenario experience at the club here in the resort. It was AWESOME!

After some instruction, we were lead through a series of sets that had life-sized, hostile targets popping out at you. You shoot them until they have fallen over or until the former Navy Seal guy pats you on the back. It felt very real, and I surprisingly did not shoot myself in the foot.
One of the coolest things I've ever done or seen!!!

Check out: http://valhallashootingclub.com/training.php

I hope to see you, Mr. Elk!

2007-06-30T20:56:00.001-07:00

2007-06-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

Ate here & will sleep there . . .

2007-06-30T18:44:00.000-07:00

2nd Heaven . . .

2007-06-30T18:40:00.001-07:00

So, we just checked into a place we have NO business being at: Elk Mountain Resort. Oh my . . . .

http://www.elkmountainresort.com/?src=ppc_google_emrbrand

Colorado National Monument Hike

2007-06-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

The Midge and I went for a short hike today:

2007-06-28T07:45:00.000-07:00

2007-06-28T06:42:00.000-07:00

RV Dia Nueve

2007-06-28T06:33:00.001-07:00

Day nine saw Steamboat Springs. Cool town: lots of lazy-river-tubing-action . . . and really good New York style pizza slices ($2.25 with green Tobasco sauce, of course).

Day Ten involves some ice cubes, a nine iron, and a new KOA in Grand Junction. Re-entering civilization: going to Border's later this morning. Ahhhhh

Funny: not so ha-ha . . .

2007-06-26T08:21:00.000-07:00

I've been eating Psalm 27 for a while now. Here's what struck me from it today:

"For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
he will hide me in his sanctuary.
He will place me out of reach on a high rock."

(Verse 5 NLT)

I love you, Father.

Funny: ha ha

2007-06-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Names of RV's Found On-Site in Gypsum, CO. (From the home office----which is currently parked in Gypsum):

10. Cedar Creek (YAWN!)
9. The Wanderer (Errrr, whatever)
8. The Alumascape (Guess what it's made out of?)
7. The Nomad (DUH)
6. The Escapade (Belonging to Lis and Ben Wilcox. "Do we have to take off our clothes in public now?" Well, any scandal will do.)
5. The Road Ranger (Owner [hopefully a guy] must want to be either Chuck Norris or Mel Gibson [pre-conspiracy theorist, mugshot Mel])
4. The Prowler (Who wants to park next to that? Meow. They'll probably try to break in to my sweet rig.)
3. The Sportsmen (Ever seen the SNL cartoon: The Amibuously Gay Duo?")
2. The Zanzibar (What the . . . .!?! Complete with airbrushed tigers on the back. Ewwww . . . scar-ry!)

And, the number 1 RV name for the summer of 2007 is . . .

1. The Alpenlite (I have absolutely NO idea what that means, whether or not it's really a word, or what the country of origin is)

RV Park Trash Talk

2007-06-24T16:46:00.001-07:00

Dude 1: I see your rig only has 1 slide-out.

Dude 2: Yeah, well---at least it goes out farther than yours!

Self-potrait

2007-06-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

{Taken from Dictionary.com; too striking a resemblance not to pass on to my public}

Word of the Day for Sunday, June 24, 2007

jejune \juh-JOON\, adjective:

1. Lacking in nutritive value.
2. Displaying or suggesting a lack of maturity; childish.
3. Lacking interest or significance; dull; meager; dry.

Recipe for Baked Shower Shoe(s)

2007-06-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

1. Procure one (1) pair of black (uncertain whether BLACK is necessary, but can attest only to this color--actually, BLACK is not a true color at all. Thanks go to Beth E. Racine, of Elgin, for recently correcting me on this gi-normous point of fact. Way to go, Beth! Watch out, Jeopardy! ! [Note: for whatever reason, the creator(s) of the show Jeopardy! chose to spell it with an exclamation point (Or, exclamation 'mark'---depending on where you were educated) Bonus question: Are titles of TV shows italicized or set in quotation marks? Or, put in appropriate context, Answer: What are quotation marks? Question: These are put around the titles of TV shows when unsure as to the correct punctuation.] shower shoes. (AKA "Flip flops." Note: use caution when referring to shower shoes as "flip flops." Apparently, this is either a cultural or regional term. I was recently given a weird look and weirder remark by a Latina (Hipanic?) girl of approximately eight years of age when I used "flip flops" [the term not the items] in her presence. She left me feeling old, whiter-than-white, and uninformed as to the more hip, or--Hispanic, term for rubberized, thonged [hint: also use caution when using the word "thongs." Some may misinterpret this as the female undergarment. E.g. my grandfather still refers to waterproofed slip-over, foul-weather booties as "rubbers." Sounds harmless until he is staying at your house and yells, "Honey, where did you put my rubbers?" to your grandmother while they are vacationing from Florida, and your friends are over to play.] footwear.)
2. Thoroughly marinate said footwear while showering for approximately 11.5 minutes. (NOTE: Assuming you use hot water {temperature relative to skin sensitivity, etc.} & have access to shower. I.e. Not staying at an RV park that requires you to obtain a key to shower stall from owner between the hours of 8am and 9pm [Mountain Time Zone]. Apparently, one bad apple does indeed ruin the bunch as the reason given for locked shower stalls was the unclaimed diarrhea sprayed bathroom incident following one hour (at least!) of cleaning done by two women employed by said RV park. [unsure of the relation of two women; however, I am assuming some measure of familiarity due to close quarters within said bathroom stall. I have cleaned several bathrooms, and I would not enter a cleaning partnership in such tight space without a degree of relation suitable to the situation. E.g. kin, carnal knowledge, Biblical knowledge, or exorbitantly high hourly rate of wage.] Footwear may be worn on feet or left on floor to soak while showering. {This would, of course, diminish the effectiveness of shower shoe defense against floor-borne bacteria, fungus, or communicable disease}
3. Pat dry.
4. Position shower shoes (or, shoe if cooking for yourself.) in direct sunlight.
5. Let bake for approximately two hours. (NOTE: use caution as over-baking may cause bubbles to arise in sole. Unsure as to permanence of over-bake bubbles. {Check this site at a later date for more information as to whether bubbles diminish or not. So far, assume permanence.}
6. Enjoy!

***Important: if showering in RV park which requires use of key to utilize facilities, do not forget to return aforementioned key to owner. (Unsure of penalty for failing to return the key to owner. Assume the worst, though, as owner is still frothy-mad at aforementioned diarrhea-sprayed bathroom incident.)

Friday----finally

2007-06-22T14:13:00.000-07:00

Other than sending out some postcards to all the underaged twins I know, I ain't got squat to do . . .And, it's glorious!!!

RV Day 2

2007-06-20T19:29:00.000-07:00

Last night was just making it to Des Moines (boring).

Today we made it to a KOA in Western Nebraska (just east of Cheyenne, Wyoming).

Tomorrow, we plan on visiting Cheyenne, and then we will drop south through Rocky Mountain National Park as we head towards Vail (our weekend destination).

I've enjoyed the quiet so far. Driving when you are not in a hurry with nowhere to be is a great feeling. It is very peaceful here at our campground. I hope we can start getting some better views as we head west . . .

Just Like Me

2007-06-12T19:57:00.000-07:00

I think many men struggle with what they see in themselves. So many guys either grew up without a father at all, or they grew up with the strain and struggle of not wanting to replicate certain parts of their perception of their dad. In other words, I think many boys either do not know who to be (for lack of role models), they just know who they DON'T want to be.
Apart from the arguments as to nature verus nurture, genetics versus geography---guys have to make choices based on what they have seen or experienced. When I've done certain things, said specific phrases, or reacted with instinct or emotions that surprise me---I often do not have to look far to figure out where I got them.
Recently, through retrospection and reflection, I have taken stock of who I've become, or, better, who I'm becoming.
I was recounting some things I've done to a friend of mine. I was telling her a few crazy stories from my younger days. A few of those tales I had not thought about for some time. I even surprised myself at how emotional I became as I recalled these experiences. I could not explain them--other then to say, "Well, that must be who I am, I guess."
It's been a long road for me on my spiritual journey. While I try not to segregate or compartmentalize the aspects of myself (e.g. physical, emotional, spiritual), I can acknowledge that each area has progressed at sometimes much different speeds.
Part of what's been tough for me as I reckon God has been the concept of Him as Father. Additionally, how can Jesus be my Spirit, brother, friend, and dad all at the same time? My father is my master? I have a bit of an authority issue anyway. Complexity.
I am starting to get the sense that parts of me that have been previously inexplicable can be decoded when illuminated by the light of my adoption (however slowly I've come to accept/acknowledge it) by God.
As I drove home later that night after the conversation with my friend, I was overwhelmed that perhaps what I considered oddities in my character and behavior, Christ might consider resemblance. I have a hard time admitting this at all. I want to be my own man, my own person.
I get to see kids who are having a hard time take comfort when they see that there are other children going through the same crap they are. They take solace in the notion that they have peers that are "just like me." When you start lining up the similarities, the gap between feeling misunderstood and isolated narrows so that pain is eventually lessened and experience unravelled.
What makes me different than others might, at the same time, have made, or be making, me more like someone else. Maybe someone else is seeing me and getting to know me, as I let them, and thinking, "Hey, Ben is just like me. We share some stuff, some pain, some experiences, and some traits. He often talks like me. He sort of looks like me. Sometimes, he's just like me."
That can be overwhelming to hear for a guy who's never quite liked himself much. For a guy who's taken quite a long time to accept the things he cannot change and all that serenity stuff. For a guy who can give more than most but receives very little. To hear that, to begin to feel that comfort---that's more than a little scary.
Just like me. Maybe I am getting there . . .

The Iceman Cometh . . .TO!!!

2007-05-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

I think Chuck is awake now after my guy blasted his head off. I know everybody is saying this now probably, but I truly have been a Rampage fan for years and years. I've suffered through his losses to Silva and his recent so-so performances. Finally, though, he'll get the recognition he deserves. Go, Q!!!

motorcycle spirituality

2007-05-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

I've been really guilty of trying to figure stuff out on my own. It's not bad to read a book, listen to a CD, or call a friend in search of help/guidance. All those things are good resources, but they can get in the way, too. Getting in the way of the ultimate resource and friend.
I grew up awed and scared by motorcycles. It seems like the people who ride them are cooler than me, and I've always considered myself too uncoordinated to do much else other than eat pizza and watch a movie at the same time. So, I surprised even myself when I recently got my license and my first bike. It's virutally the same as the one pictured above. (just the paint color is off)
I have put about 400 miles on it a couple of weeks. It's amazing: the sounds, sights, and smells are all vastly different than driving a car. The awareness that riding requires has opened me up to new experiences of solitude (even in traffic) and spirituality. I am still a little nervous, but I think the humility I have about my lack of riding skill will serve me well in other areas of my life. I need regular humbling, don't you?
Under my helmet, I can hear and listen and think. Without the radio, CD player, and my cell phone--I can engage my surroundings and be fully present in the moment. I never imagined this machine of which I am still a little wary could provide my with a more personal religion.
Leading up to this purchase at the Kawasaki dealer, I had quit listening. I was too prone to "strike off on my own" (Proverbs 19.27 The Message Remix). I have seen the bumper sticker that says, "Loud pipes save lives." I am listening again. I can hear. "Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track." (Proverbs 3:5 MSG)
Plenty of people have expressed concern for my safety now that I am riding. I humbly say, "I think this bike might actually save my life."

A new church service order?

2007-04-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

Instead of having very distinct times for songs, then a sermon, then a closing song and prayer---could we mix it all up to help people experience God in a different, maybe more personal, way??? Do things have to be portioned so much?

For example, could a song be playing with some images (or icons) on the screen when the pastor (or whomever) reads a few Scriptures? Then, there would be time for people to meditate on those Scriptures & perhaps journal some thoughts on the back of the bulletin. At a cetain points, we could still sing corporately. A few discussion questions could come up on the sidescreens for people to either write about or talk with a few people about. Then, the pastor/facilitator could giude the discussion a little. Show a video? Another song? Take communion? More quiet time . . . I think providing space for quiet reflection should be a staple of any church service. Can we ever get too much of that in our life? Have a short role-play or drama? I do not understand the segmentation of everything every time.

I'm not advocating for disorder or to not have a certain text for the Service. I do think we can get into the text in different ways other than to hear thirty straight minutes of what someone else thinks about it. I think we can do a much better job of creating environments that allow people to hear from and experience God. We do not learn by only listening. We are changed by experiences. I honestly cannot usually remember what someone talked about last week or even--last night. I do remember the experiences I've had in church services where there was space for me to have one. We have all these gifts to wisely steward as we determine service order. Let's not settle for less than our best in helping people hear from, see, and get to know Christ. The elements of a church service should serve that end, not get in the way of it by regimenting and segmenting. Who are we to judge exactly how and when someone should experience God's presence or communicaiton?

2007-04-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

I hear it all the time:
"In a room this size,
There must be this or that."

In a room this size,
Is the room enough for me?

In a room this size,
Can there really be

Room enough for those
whom often aren't seen?

In a room this size
What do expect to see?

Can we really ever know
what lies in hearts and minds?

In a room this size
How many is that?

Does it have to be hundreds?
How about just you and me?

In a room this size
do I feel safe or similar?

How do I know that there
are others just like me?

In a room this size
Will it be alright?

Can I find God
Who will shine the light?

In a room this size
Will I matter at all?

So many problems
How can I recall?

In a room this size
Will me get lost in we?

How can I know that
others hear or see?

In a room this size
Will my pain feel small?

I need someone
willing to call

In a room this size
where do I fit?

Lots of faces and chairs
None invite me to sit

In a room this size
Do I have a part to play?

I'm not sure where to turn
Not sure what to say

In a room this size
I somehow feel alone

Thousands of people
will someone hear my groan?

In a room this size
does that make it seem alright?

Perhaps my burden
should feel more light

In a room this size
Eyes pass over me

Lots of looks
so few really see

In a room this size
they expect me to fit

Is there a space
for me to find "it"

what I've been missing
since before I can recall

In a room this size
to whom do I call?

No one knows me
It feels like the mall

When I'm at wits end
with nothing to lose

I really need connection
not the latest news

I need to see real
not the flashing lights

Will you find a space for me
I can't find my way at night?

Will you giude me and love me
and slowly return my sight?

there's too much to miss
in a room this size

Too many stories
too many lies

I do not know the facts
about a room this size.

Maybe it's different
maybe we'll realize

that regardless of numbers
or the crowds that we see

People are hungry, broken
they need to be free.

In a room this size, is there room enough in me
to not turn away from the people I see?
could I offer my self in new scary ways?
Will we ever reach the deeper things
that anomynity betrays?

Can we make it feel small
though the numbers are many?
should we talk to them all
or simply use the excuse
that in a room this size
there isn't any use

Create space for them, vaue them
and see them as unique
We love them, notice them
and give them a seat

There's room in God's heart
for all that would seek
In a room this size
is there room enough in me?

does my heart ever get full
of people other than myself?
is it time to take some old beliefs
off of the shelf?

There's room for you
in my Father's house
sit here, listen, and hear from Him
i think he's saying that in a room this size,
i hope that you'll stay.

you are safe here; I love you
albeit hundreds, dozens, or three
in a room this size
you'll always find me

2007-04-04T18:12:00.000-07:00

Reading . . . . . .Drinking . . . . . . Loving . . . . . Thinking . . . . . . Walking . . . . . . Nodding . . . . . . . Reading . . . .. . .

2007-04-04T02:15:00.000-07:00

I am so heavy-hearted with my place at Willow Creek. I can barely sit through services there. I perceive so little difference between what is supposed to be a deeper level, "believer's" service on Wednesday nights and the weekend services which have historically been 'seeker sensitive.' Now that Scripture is read, songs are particpatory, and Bibles are opened on Sunday mornings, shouldn't there be a corresponding shift occurring on the Midweek format? In other words, if the weekends are responding to felt differences in the openness of people to more traditional means of worship and study, then musn't there be strides to enhance the experience of God on Wednesdays? Shouldn't there be some corresponding reaction? How can one change and the other remain static? I have the hardest time connecting with Christ during the hour or so allotted during either day of the week. I'm listless, bored, and tired of being offered merely more good advice in the form of yet another, multi-point, too-polished, impersonal, scripted, sermon that mostly just lets me know what someone I respect thinks about the Scriptures or some aspect of faith. I know that I'm at Willow for a reason. I am scared that that reason is to help transition us from mega to meta.
We have a growing Latino congregation that we relegate to the chapel for their services. My wife had a great idea: let's give them the new, fancy auditorium. Let's serve them instead of making them sit at the back of the bus. We've accommodated them poorly in my opinion.
I cannot put into words the torn feelings I have about where I am. I serve wholeheartedly because of my strong convictions about the mission of the Church. I love the relationships God has blessed me with through the on-campus activities of which I am a part. However, I feel like that is where the connectivity ends for me. The services are super-programed. The messages are just that: messages. There is little story, little space, and little prayer. I think we do a good job with the "Apostle's teaching" part of Acts 2:42 "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
I think that bringing in Frazee will help with the "fellowship" and "the breaking of bread" activities. Maybe that's part of it: all the activities. I'm missing the focus on prayer--in my daily life and on campus. So often, this may be due to my consideration of prayer as an activity when really it involves the opposite, doesn't it? Inactivity: how do we create that? "A house of prayer."
[Isa. 56:7; Matt. 21:13] Are we calling for it? Are we setting aside enough service time and space for this most-important, vital avenue to the Throne? Are we bold enough to be quiet enough? Why can't there be corporate silence? Corporate fasting? Where's the challenges that made me stick around four years ago?
There's a lot being written about the reclamation of the missional church and the Starbuck's model of creating experiences and the many reasons why young people find themselves disillusioned with institutionalized "church."
"An Hour on Sunday," unfortunately, has inhaled too many resources and failed to be the place where people genuinely encounter the presence of God, exhaling pretense, or express questions and doubts. It's the convincing hour, the presentation hour, the show. It's a great show, but show me Jesus. I'm glad that I get to see him on Mondays helping & loving kids. I am sad that I have trouble spotting him in the auditorium on Sundays and Wednesdays. Maybe there are too many people in the way--too many people out in front, drowning out his voice with microphones and his image with spotlights. The disciples tried to prevent the little ones from approaching the Savior. No time, they said. Too busy. The show must go on. Jesus disagreed--big time. Have we hindered folks from approaching the Son of God? Is there too much interference? Shouldn't a church service be the one place where there isn't? The curtain was torn, remember? Have we sewn it back together? Tear up the script and tear at my heart. Real is always relevant, as one wise man wrote recently.
Maybe fewer multi-sites and more Jesus sightings? What place have we given him in all our grand plans, models, and programming? Is there any room for him in there? I seem to recall he's been through this "There's no room" deal before . . .
I hope it isn't happening again.
I am going to stick around to find out.

Book review

2007-03-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

I think every pastor and paid minister should read this . . .and church member, too.

The section on pastors 'getting over their call to preach' alone is enough to make this a must-read.

The paradigm that Roberts illustrates concerning the true nature of missions is amazing. While reading this book, I was confronted with so many uncomfortable truths about the ways I view the rest of the world, my nationalistic ego, & my ignorance of not only the need for but also the mandate to long-term, overseas commitments from the American Church. Whether we like to admit it or not, we had better get going--off the seats and into the field. When Roberts mentioned how many Easterners are coming to America as missionaries, I about cried.
What am I doing? What are we doing? Why aren't we doing? Or, is this more about who we refuse to become?

"I too had noticed that our prayers for others flow more easily than those we offer on our own behalf. And it would be nice to accept your view that this just shows we are made to live by charity. I'm afraid, however, I detect two much less attractive reasons for the ease of my own intercessory prayers. One is that I am often, I believe, praying for others when I should be doing things for them. It's so much easier to pray for a bore than to go and see him. And the other is like unto it. Suppose I pray that you may be given grace to withstand your besetting sin (short list of candidates for this post will be forwarded on demand). Well, all the work has to be done by God and you. If I pray against my own besetting sin there will be work for me. One sometimes fights shy of admitting an act to be a sin for this very reason." -C.S. Lewis

2007-03-21T11:32:00.000-07:00

Help! My priorities are wacked! God, why are you always willing to listen and I am not? Forgive me for neglecting You.
Here I am! There's nothing in my hand. Will you talk with me?

Is this real-ly relevant?

2007-03-16T12:09:00.000-07:00

I read this article:
(http://www.relevantmagazine.com/pc_article.php?id=7353). It’s entitled “The Commercial Church.”
There are some assertions that the author makes which really resonate with me, like: “Many times, [in a church’s service time] we create spectators rather than participators.” I think that is a real danger when the emphasis on programming is high. I believe we’d better serve and honor both God and people by focusing more energy in creating an environment where people are invited to experience the LORD—not so much a “presentation.” I long for my time spent in a service to be a time and space where I can experience God—right where I’m at: physically, emotionally, and mentally. I wish that the elements of the service time where geared more towards that end then staying on schedule or the impartation of mere information. Do not tell me what to think about, teach me how to think—how to draw closer to Jesus. I’ll never remember three points, a snappy acrostic, and I’ll probably throw away whatever cheesy little reminder thing everyone gets from the ushers. I think people are hungry for “real” more than they are “relevant.” As Peterson [I think] wrote, “Real is always relevant.” Let’s focus on creating a safe place for people to get real with God and experience His love and grace. Let’s help people figure out how to do that versus trying to modify their behavior.
Another opinion with which I agree is the author’s observation that “The non-Christians are now called the ‘un-churched’ or in other words, the ‘un-institutionalized.’ Is that our goal, to ‘church’ people? And so we wonder why people are feeling dry and disconnected from God even though they are active in their church.” I’ve been guilty of this, too. My goal for me, my friends and family should be discipleship not church membership. Unfortunately, trying to find some “disciple-facilitators” amongst all these teachers and preachers can sometimes prove tricky . . .

2007-03-07T20:31:00.000-08:00

Eye of God

2007-03-07T08:22:00.000-08:00

2007-03-07T07:43:00.000-08:00

Father God,

I've been so tired for so long; when will this end? Am I supposed to be learning something in all of this? Is this about my pace? I hurt, and I feel like I've been operating at 55% capacity for weeks.
Are we o.k.? I've neglected you many times in the past month or so. You've given me some great ideas and bursts of creativity, though. What are you saying?
Am I on the right track? (Pilgrim and Disciple?) Maybe your Son is moving more slowly than I would like him to; is this your way of getting me to fall in line behind him? I've seen Him show up in so many ways and in so many faces lately--mostly in the way that children look at me. What's changed? My heart? It feels softer . . . I like that; it's somewhat scary, but I have been enjoying the new ways in which I see people that I used to ignore (e.g. little kids). What are you up to?
If I can keep melting into your mold, Jesus, then I am willing to maintain this pace. My brain is working, but my body isn't. Am I doing something wrong? Is it something I'm not doing that I should be?
I know you take care of me. It's all yours anyway, God. I'm all yours. Thank you for all that you have given me to manage. I am excited about who & what you have put in my life. I love them. I think they love me. That's hard for me to accept, you know.
I love you. I trust you. Thank for this certainty. Maybe I need that more than clarity.
You're all I have and need.
Bless you.
Your son,
Ben

Twins rock!

2007-03-02T20:18:00.000-08:00

So, I had the awesome honor of baby-sitting my friends' twins today. They are 4 years old and quite the pair! They are really cool little people, and I love to be around them. I'm quite sure I'm not the world's greatest child-care provider, but nobody got hurt today (especially me!). Here's a tip to aspiring baby-sitters: take the kids out of the house. It makes the day go by faster, and there are more opportunities for memory-building experiences. You don't have to do anything that expensive or thrilling---just different scenery seems to make a world of difference to the kids.
One quick story: the male twin and I chilled out to some tunes for my last hour there. It was just him and me because his sister was at school. We didn't do anyting but lay on the couch and enjoy the music. He was so content and relaxed. He loves music a lot. It was a great reminder to me to slow down and just listen once in a while . . .Thanks, J.

Oops!

2007-02-24T17:40:00.000-08:00

I feel really badly that I just ordered Domino's without realizing the amount of snow that's coming down. Oops. When I went to the front door to ensure that the porch light was on (I believe in safe delivery---at all costs), I saw an enourmous flurry of snow activity. THAT is gonna make it tought to beat the 30 minute thesh-hold . . . You can do it, delivery man!!! Come 'on!

Feverish

2007-02-19T23:35:00.000-08:00

I'm just now feeling a little bit better after a butt-kicker of a severe cold/flu. I slept forever yesterday and loaded up on Thera-flu tea. I still went to Oasis at Willow tonight. I think my illness actually forced me to take on a better pace tonight. I had a great time, connected with the kids I needed to, and allowed a couple elements proceed without me. It all worked out. Maybe I should get sick more often?

Ahhhhhh!!!!

2007-02-16T22:32:00.000-08:00

After three great days in Durango, Colorado, we arrived at the Sandia Resort & Casino (New Mexico) today. Our view is ridiculously incredible, and I've already lost 200$. I have, however, won at Three-Card Poker. I intend to play more tomorrow---after visiting the spa, of course.

NERF this!!!

2007-02-08T14:39:00.000-08:00

My wife still has the purple football pictured below. Ever smell a 20 year-old foam ball? Not good at all. Trust me. AND, it didn't help the Bears win!

My Ol' Lady

2007-01-31T07:44:00.000-08:00

In addition to robbing the cradle, my wife (on the left) appears to be a bigger Bears fan than I.
Who knew???

Word

2007-01-30T09:54:00.000-08:00

www.gratefulness.org
WORD FOR THE DAY
Tuesday, Jan. 30

A humble life dedicated to a great purpose, becomes great.

Paul Brunton
Perspectives

Well, Google you very much, too!

2007-01-29T14:01:00.000-08:00

How often do you Google your own name?

I'm actually second when you google "Ben Wilcox"---at least, my blog is.

Is this a new status system?

I guess this thread is pretty sad, huh?

Wow. What is going on?

2007-01-27T17:48:00.000-08:00

So, I've filled in as a substitute small group leader for middle school guys twice in the past month. You know, it's not as scary as I thought it might be. I like that they are accepting of me, and I try to let them know that it's really THEIR group: I'm just a visitor. It's an honor to be able to do this, and I've had a lot of fun both times. I hope I get more chances to sit in with these students. They are awesome, and they help to confirm my belief that there is no such thing as a "bad kid." They are all good kids--until some adult(s) screws them up.
Anyway, thanks, God, for letting me into their world a little bit. I don't know what you are doing in my life, but it's cool. A little frightening--but mostly cool.
Keep me humble, OK?
Love, Benny

Caring for children

2007-01-26T12:34:00.000-08:00

I've had a lot of great opportunities to serve children of divorce in the past two years. How odd that one of the groups I help facilitate is hosted by the church I attended when MY parents divorced. I've gone from being quite scared of children to excited about seeing these little people on a regular basis. I'm very honored and grateful to God for keeping me safe all these years so that I can now give back and care for children in distress.

Bring the pain!

2007-01-21T10:22:00.000-08:00

I threw down 10 pancakes today at IHOP. Beat that, and I'll send you a prize . . .

BW

2007-01-17T12:05:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to read and do some quiet time today. I finished reading Starving Jesus. I dare you to read it if you consider yourself a Christian, and if you are not a Christian, try reading it for entertainment value as the authors call the American Church out on the carpet.

My biggest take-away from the book is, "When confronted with an uncomfortable truth, how will I choose to respond?"

From one President to another

2007-01-12T07:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Bush,

"I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it."

Sincerely,

Dwight D. Eisenhower

www.gratefulness.org

What to wear?

2007-01-10T13:00:00.000-08:00

Is your weekend/casual Friday wardrobe a little weak?

check out: http://www.snorgtees.com/index.php for some great wear ideas!

Love,

Mr. Sweatpants

Whatever

2007-01-10T07:10:00.000-08:00

Many of my so-called friends have been giving me sh*t about not doing anything all day. Nothing could be more false! Just look at my huge "To Do" list!!!!!

http://rss.netflix.com/QueueRSS?id=P3633632716058352088184211960944414

I've got a lot going on, baby.

Peace out.

2007-01-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

____

I seem to be picking fights with those I love/respect the most. "What they hey!?!" (As my hopefully-still-my-friend-after-last-night friend would say). I think I do this to test whether or not these people whom I treasure have unconditional love for me. I think I am trying to see whether or not they will still love me even when I am a dickhead. I don't like this behavior of mine. I want it to cease immediately---if not sooner.

BW

2007-01-01T19:12:00.000-08:00

Oh, well. It just sucks. Michigan and the Rose Bowl: Groundhog Day for me. Great year, flawed ranking system, too much time off, and a sh*t game plan. At least they beat Notre Dame . . .

2006-12-31T10:23:00.000-08:00

Peter Drucker - "The only thing we know about the future is that it will be different."

I heard I pretty good talk today about the upcoming new year. Apart from the usual babble about resolutions (or, "goals" for you p.c. types), I thought the speaker did a great job of re-emphasizing the importance of paying attention during our waking hours and not giving in to the overwhelming influence of popular culture: to numb ourselves with entertainment and distraction.
I don't want to set a bunch of silly benchmarks for myself; I want to simply keep growing and learning. Stagnation is my worst fear. It usually leads to depression and/or angst. I don't know what my future holds. I have a pretty strong intuition that it will different, and I like surprises . . .

C.S. Lewis - Mere change is not growth. Growth is the synthesis of change and continuity, and where there is no continuity there is no growth.

P.S. Process, process, process, Ben. Patience!

Please light a candle as a prayer for whatever you deem important in your life!

2006-12-28T11:51:00.001-08:00

Light A Candle

2006-12-28T07:36:00.001-08:00

Bill Watterson - "There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do."

(And I would argue that doing nothing is sometimes what we really need to do most!!!)

"If you love truth, be a lover of silence. Silence, like the sunlight will illuminate you in God."
---St. Issac - 7th Century Hermit Monk

Shhhhh . . . .

www.gratefulness.org

2006-12-27T09:11:00.000-08:00

No longer wanting to play 'pretend I'm fine' anymore about my mental health, I came clean to most of my immediate family on Christmas Eve. That was probably not a great timing move on my part, but I knew that if I didn't do it then, I would be ruining any chance of enjoying Christmas Day. I feel somewhat relieved that they understand a little bit better now that I'm not just 'weird' or 'moody.' (Although, I think sometimes I really am just weird/moody.)
Some days are good; others are not so good. I've learned a lot, though, through all of this mess. I like the following quotation: I think it sums up the positive side of my faulty wiring---

"A sacred illness is one that educates us and alters us from the inside out, provides experiences and therefore knowledge that we could not possibly achieve in any other way." by Deena Metzger

I guess I'm grateful in the sense that, without this very humbling experience, I might be an even bigger a*#hole!!!

Benny

2006-12-24T06:31:00.000-08:00

Go see the movie "Unaccompanied Minors." There is a lot more going on in this film than just a silly, kids' movie. It handles some very serious themes such as abandonment and divorce. There are plenty of laughs (especially from my guy Lewis Black) and it's kid-friendly: no bad language, etc. A great film, not because of any superb plot, but beause it has the balls to speak to the effects of divorce from a teen perspective. Go see it!